Saturday, 31 March 2012

The British Method (over reacting to nothing)

Everyone thinks the Japanese are weird, and when  I was in Japan I commented on some of the quirks that I came across. Now I am going to treat the UK exactly the same, some bizarre behaviours and downright stupidity that we experience as a nation on an almost weekly basis, usually ending in a load of fuss over nothing.

1. This Oil panic.
A completely pointless incident whereby a load of people caused an oil shortage due to some bad advice from the government and severe lack of common sense. So what happened? The drivers who deliver the oil, and lets be very specific here "threatened" to strike over Easter weekend. Firstly, it was only a threat, secondly they would require seven days notice before any said strike could take place. Ample time to prepare for said event and buy petrol. But this is what happened next:

Cameron/Tories say: Fill up your half full tank now!
Mass panic ensues, queues at petrol stations, demand rises 175%, pumps run dry.
Then this happened: Woman burns herself with Petrol
After, politicians said "we didn't cause a panic" - Yes you did...

And finally after all that the union says it won't strike during easter anyway. Outstanding. The only people I know who were affected by this whole set shenanigans were my friends who actually have to drive places, who didn't panic and then were unable to top up when they actually needed to.

Yes please
Well, sure, I mean this isn't the same thing... oh what the hell its beer!

2. 'PastyGate' and naming every scandal a 'Gate'

Topical item number 2. Everyone got all upset this week over Cameron adding tax to a hot pasty or a cold one. I'm confused but I don't care. Everyone got mad, Cameron claimed to have eaten a pasty where the shop no longer exists. The papers started referring to it as "Pastygate"... because every scandal is now "....gate". It is idiotic and unoriginal and displays how lazy the media is.
Quote of the week for this incident:
"That put the Jaffa Cake into limbo land and that's what the government's done with the pasty. They've put the pasty into limbo land. People aren't going to be happy about that."

3. Man Puts Up Sign Asking Children Be Quiet, Everyone Gets Offended

The killjoy. Almost all sides mentioned in this article are at fault. Firstly the guy getting upset over the noise (during the day I might add) is nonsensical. I would suggest he drinks some more tea and enjoys life a bit. The second person to blame is the article. She apparently speaks for all the parents of the children and the school and states she found it threatening and bullying and goes on to say "I was so upset on behalf of the staff and the children". Thats an awful lot of upset to be for a lot of people over one grumpy old man. To feel threatened/bullied by a sign that says "Please do not scream or shout loudly". Do stop signs also upset her? Slippery floor? A trip with her must be hilariously awkward as she becomes scared at any sign of a polite request.
Perhaps it was the size of the sign? Anyway the whole article probably only became a news story because he happens to have "once been a tv presenter" who I've never heard of, this article should have been called "Grumpy old man inspires hilarious over reactions".

What would she make of this sign?
These aren't even isolated incidents, are news is full of minor incidents that somehow everyone gets upset about. Next time let's all abide by that (non)classic british sentiment "Keep Calm and Carry On"

Or you know just riot for no reason. All this has made me two steps closer to buying a boat. Peace.

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